Diaries of an Alpha
by SchrodingerDM
Summary: Young Snake Eyes of the Blood Talons is a troubled person. Her life has been too much irresponsibility until now. It's time to become an adult.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: World of Darkness, Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are property of White Wolf.

CHAPTER I: Tired

I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. I'm sick, tired and angry. But, worst of all, I feel sad and lonely too.

They left me. Everyone. Moonbiter was the first, left us for that smug faced mage and his skank of a daughter. Then everyone else deserted me. They left me alone, stuck in this Luna forsaken place because "I'm too unstable to stay on the pack".

Then again, maybe they're right. I did do some pretty grisly stuff. We all did, to be honest... The difference between me and the rest, I think, is that I enjoy the hell out of it. I kind of like being what I am... I think I'll never say it out loud, but the best thing ever happened to me was my first change. Yeah, I killed people, some of them innocent, most of them guilty, and all that got my brain so fucked up I was little more than a beast.

Yet those where the best days of my life.

Don't start taking conclusions before I finish my story, you don't know the half of it. Look, my childhood sucked, okay? I had a house, but I spent most of my time in the streets learning how to survive and fend for myself. My mom was a drunken bitch who slept with different men every week, my older sister was a drug addict and my older brother was actually the guy who supplied the drugs to my sister and the whole neighborhood. Only my baby brother had some semblance of nicety, and that's because he was eight when I went full werewolf on my family.

Those last hours are seared into my soul. It was a moonless night and I had locked my baby brother and myself in our room while my older brother had an argument with mom's newest boyfriend. It seemed the guy was one of my brother's clients, and was missing some payment. I tried to distract my baby brother with some toy or song, but I couldn't stop paying attention to the mess outside. When the glass started shattering was when something snapped inside of me.

I remember hiding my baby brother in the closet, telling him to stay still. I remember his watery eyes as lunacy took hold of him and he started bawling. I remember tearing down the door even though I was a malnourished twelve year old little girl. I remember tasting flesh and blood. I remember the killing frenzy, and to hell with all the wolves who say they don't, I bet they do too, they're just too ashamed to admit it.

It should make me sad to say I enjoyed ripping my brother, my mother and her stupid boyfriend apart. I should not say I savored their taste as I got my first full meal in years. And I definitely should not say I wanted more.

Some of the wolves in our lodge say mother Luna is a bitch. I can understand them, Luna is a deity of change after all, and not all changes are good. But I love Luna. I love her because she gave me the strength to prey on those who would prey on the weak like my little brother. If I had never turned into that slavering monstrosity I would still be living in that trash bin, perhaps even taking drugs to soothe the pain of living. Scratch that, that was no life, that was just surviving.

Instead, I became death. I became the shadow in the darkness that sent fear into the hearts of all of those who deserved it. I hunted killers, rapists, drug dealers or any other criminals. My hometown was full of them. I'll never say I did good, tough, because I don't like to lie. I just set my inner beast loose on those who deserved it and enjoyed the results. Sometimes an innocent person would be caught in one of my rampages, maybe some junkie who just wanted out of his empty existence, or a whore who actually paid her family's sustenance with her body. I didn't care, really. I killed, I fed, I lived.

That was the whole point, actually. I was alive, finally. With every life I snuffed out of existence I lived a little more. Weird thoughts, these, make me sound like a vampire, and I hate them. But, in a sense, that was my existence back then, I lived to kill.

I had to live away from my sister and little brother, but it was okay, I guess. My sister tried to clean herself up, and I helped her by messily killing any asshole who even said a word about drugs to her. I knew I could not live with them, not as long as I was a beast, so I just started living on the streets. By daytime I washed cars or shined shoes, and by nighttime I lived the life Luna choose for me, I was the apex predator on those shady streets.

I can't even tell how many years passed that way. I do know that when the vampire came to my brother's school he was about twelve too. I'll not talk about that incident, not now, I'm not drunk enough to get trough that story without breaking to tears. Suffice to say, that's when the lodge found me, and when I realized that maybe being a beast was not a smart thing to be after all.

I really owe my life to the Sarge for keeping my body fit, and to mistress Fireheart for healing my mind at least enough so I could think like a young adult instead of a child. I'm still childish, I guess, but to take a step further, even slowly, is better than standing still forever.

The problem with growing up is that you have to assume responsibilities, and that's when I failed, hard. While I had Moonbiter watching over me all the time I was safe. I could goof around, do some silly stuff, and then get back on track when things got serious.

But then that traitorous bitch left us.

And, to make matters worse, I met this other wolf. He's not a member of the lodge, by Luna, he's not even a Blood Talon. But he cares about me, I guess, in his own way. I don't know how I feel about him. He's cute, he's funny, and he's definitely a nice guy, but he doesn't understand what it is to be a monster like me. I need discipline, I need hierarchy or I'll devolve into that beast again, I cannot be a free spirit like him.

But I would love it. I think.

However, I might have got a little touchy with him... I did some stuff I'm not proud of, and some other stuff I am positively ashamed of. It's really funny, you see? I'm not ashamed to say I killed and ate someone, I do that. But I'm terribly ashamed to say I wanted to kiss someone... Well, I might have not stopped on kissing, but I wouldn't know how to do that. Never did it.

That was when the Sarge decided I needed some fresh air. He took us away from São Paulo and into some swamp in Mato Grosso. I got pissed. I pouted like a child, and threw tantrums at the slightest reason. Then I went and charged the Ivory Claws elder we were chasing...

I learned how to stab with a knife before I learned to spell my name. I can bench press a man twice my size without breaking a sweat. I can move fast and make no sound. Luna made me a predator, the Blood Talons made me a warrior and the Lodge of the Jungles made me a soldier.

I hope that after I said all that you understand that when I say I butchered him and ate his heart out, it's not hyperbole.

Of course, the Forsaken don't condone cannibalism. Even the Pure tribes aren't exactly cool with it, to be honest, so the Sergeant had no choice but to kick me out of the pack and send me to where I am right now.

It's a prison. Only it isn't. It's quite the nice place, actually, a small farm in the middle of nowhere. I don't even know which state we are in. I say 'we' because I'm not alone, well at least not literally alone.

This place is some sort of vacation camp for girls like me who just lost it. Yeah, girls. Not a single male in a two kilometer radius, I smelled it. The whole amazonian thing was set up by mistress Fireheart, so she could send those she-wolves who can't keep their legs shut to some much needed rest away from civilization and temptations. Of course, not all werewolf women are as horny as literature would make you believe, so the Lodge decided this was a good place to send the raging monsters like me too.

There are elders here. Nice women who lead us into meditation and weekly rituals to Luna and Father Wolf. They are warriors who felt the same urges I feel, and probably could teach me a thing or two about rage.

But they're old. They drew blades at spirits before we had snipers with fetish bullets. They chased down vampires before we could google up the bastard and learn a lot about him without the need to expose ourselves. They fought the Pure with fang and claw, not fire and lead. They went through their first change after being fully grown adults, they experienced more than just animal rage. They know love, and kindness. They had the time to gossip in high school, or even party. They could experience the joys of spirit and flesh. They know rage, but they don't know **only** rage.

I can't relate to them. I don't care if they're my superiors. I respect them, and obey them, but my feelings are mine. Those who could understand even a small part of them have either betrayed me or deserted me, so now I stand alone.

And I hate very second of it. I miss them. I miss my pack, with our strenuous training, dangerous missions and the fun times between them. I miss Moonbiter, and how she was the older sister I should have had when I was growing up. And I miss that stupid, stupid wolf who makes me think there can be more to life than killing.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

I'm writing this laying on my bed, with some wood animals I carved myself for witnesses. I can hear four of the other girls playing volleyball outside. One of them even knocked on my door earlier, asking me if I wanted to join them.

She was this tall, statuesque blonde with a silver streak in her hair. I think they call her "Sound of Thunder" or something like that. She's a Cahalith, a gibbous moon, one of our people's lore keepers. I saw her and some others making ritual drums yesterday, she is very dexterous with a knife, but the way she forcefully pulled at the pigskin...

Maybe I'm not the only angry one in this place. I know I'm not the only sad one. I just, I don't know, don't feel ready for it yet. I guess I'm afraid of being betrayed again. I do feel empty, I guess. Werewolves where never meant to be alone, and I've been with the pack for so long I forgot how it even felt to be alone. I guess I thought I'd never be alone again...

Screw this, I'll go punch that bag downstairs until my hands bleed. It will take some time, especially since I can regenerate such trivial stuff really fast. I don't care.

I won't cry. Predators don't cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are copyright White Wolf.**

**CHAPTER II: Breaking bonds**

I got my ass handed to me today.

My legs hurt like hell, my ribs keep screaming bloody murder, my head is spinning and my stomach decided he is not digesting any food today. Still, I'm feeling alive again!

It all started this afternoon, after lunch. I was sitting under this big tree we have in the front yard. I don't know what kind of tree it is, but it doesn't give fruit, so it's usually cleaner and doesn't smell like the mango trees in the backyard. I like mangoes, but the strong smell can make your head dizzy after some time, so it's not cool to relax under them. Specially not in mango season. Mangoes to the head hurt.

So, I was there with my survival knife, you know, the one that looks like it came out of Rambo, and I was carving a horse. I like to carve stuff, specially animals, but I can carve vehicles and people too. I used to carve toy trucks and cars and leave them at my little brother's front door. His foster parents always let him have them, and there was even this time they left some cookies at the door too...

But that was then, this is now.

So, I was sitting in the sun, carving my little horse, when this big shadow looms over me:

"So, I heard you served under master Bonebreaker..."

Only those who served under him or those who are not Talons call him Sergeant, or Sarge, most members of the Lodge call him Bonebreaker.

"Yeah, I did. Was his scout and assassin."

I answered without looking up, I was too focused on the horse's hooves. Whomever she was, tough, she was not leaving so easily:

"So, you're Moonbiter then? I heard you where taller and dark skinned..."

"Hey! Don't compare me to that backstabbing bi..." I looked up and saw her, framed in the sunlight. She was tall, and she was wearing sportive shorts and bra, her legs were toned as where her abs, and she smelled of sweat and cheap perfume. Her head was round, with large, very expressive eyes and a grinning mouth full of white teeth. Long, braided hair of gold, with a silver streak in the middle. "Oh, it's you again"

My deadpan tone was not enough of a "fuck off", it seems. She sat down, uninvited, by my side and kept asking questions:

"Sooo, what do they call you?"

"Aw, come on! You knocked on my door yesterday, you numbskull, you know my name!"

I didn't look at her, but I could feel her smile. That wide, cheerful smile only a gibbous moon can give.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I thought that was some other little isolationist. You're Snake Eyes, then, right? Knife-fight specialist. Won three inter-lodge competitions in tracking, and seven official duels. Bonebreaker's favorite ninja."

I gave her an angry chuckle.

"So, you know a lot about me, huh? Why the act, then? And, by the way, why don't you go take a shower? You smell."

She laughed out so loud it startled me and I chopped of the horse's leg. I'll not lie, I felt tears coming, I hate when I break something I'm carving. But I was still feeling pissed by then, so instead I began verbally assaulting her:

"What the? See what you made me do? This is useless now and it's your fault, you dissimulated bitch! Why don't you go pester someone else? Someone who gives a fuck about you and your stupid questions and stupid knowledge!"

I'm not good with verbal assaults, okay?

I didn't even noticed I was jabbing my finger between her ample bosom until she held it with one hand and twisted. It hurt, but I was so caught off guard I didn't even try to stop her.

"Hey, let's not get touchy here. Look, if you're that fired up, why don't you come face me? I want to see if Snake Eyes is really that good of a fighter."

I put on my game face. It was on.

"Challenge accepted. What are you terms, then?"

"Human form, fists only, no gifts, we fight in the training room's mat."

"I'm good with that, when do you want to get your ass kicked?"

"In twenty minutes. I do need to take a bath, and call some friends"

Her nonchalant response was only made snarkier by the smug smile she had plastered on her face. I hate smug smiles. I wanted to knock her down and punch her face until it broke the moment she smiled to me, but I have honor. I would do that in the mat, in twenty minutes.

All I did in the meantime was changing into my own set of sportive shorts and bra. I'm not fighting wearing a jeans, and no bandages in my hands, either, I wanted to punch her as hard as I could and I wanted it to hurt as much as it could without breaking any rules.

My first mistake was getting to the training room too early. I had ten minutes or more to spare, so I decided to go punch a bag instead of psyching myself up for the fight. When my quarry arrived, I was sweating and had built up an anger reserve. While she was rested, smelled of roses, and worst of all, she had moral support.

Three other she-wolves came with her, one was this dark skinned Elodoth who was wearing a big, loose shirt with some band's logo on it, the other was a heavily tattooed Ithaeur who had shaved her hair recently and should really be wearing more clothes and the last one was this Rahu of Japanese descent, tall and lean, and carrying a training sword.

I should not have accepted that challenge. The girl who challenged me, Sound of Thunder, had the same smug smile in her face, she had tied up her hair in a bun, only the silver streak left hanging out, and also had put on this tank top with a big heart stamped on. She didn't look like she respected me, and that made me even more mad.

Her friends pulled up some benches to sit on, and me and the dumb blonde got into the mat. We stopped, saluted each other, then she said:

"Night, count to three, please?"

Oh, yeah, the dark skinned chick was Night's Voice, then. Cool. Oh, wait, no, it's not.

I barely registered her counting. When I heard "go", I got knocked on my ass. Really, that fast. The stupid blonde charged me with such ferocity I never thought possible. She got me by the legs and send me to the ground so fast I almost got dizzy from the impact.

I hate Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and mixed martial arts in general. I see no point in fighting on the ground, rolling around, grabbing and pulling. It looks silly and highly homoerotic, if you ask me. That also means I can't defend myself when someone goes BJJ on me. Like that would happen in a true battlefield.

But that was not a true battlefield, that was a 'friendly' duel between members of the same tribe. She manhandled me. She pounded my ribs with those powerful knees of her, then swept to the side and tried an armbar that I escaped just barely, My escape just allowed her to switch positions again and go for a rear naked chokehold, that, I'll admit, I powered through on sheer determination. That was the only moment I almost did something to her, as she hang to my neck to strangle me, I stood up and tried to crash her into the wall.

It takes a lot of strength to stand up while you can't breathe and there is a seventy kilograms, maybe eighty, woman on your back actively trying to put you down with knees to the back of the legs. And I'm rusty. I got so exhausted from that effort that I could barely take a step forward, so she just dropped the choke and took me down again.

She went for my leg and I could do nothing. I just watched as she got in that leg lock and started twisting it. I swear I tried to punch her, put I couldn't even breathe!

"Tap out!" She yelled.

"Why don't you?" Yeah, I'm stubborn like that.

She twisted a little more, and it started to both hurt like hell and feel like my leg was going to break in two.

"Tap or I'll snap it..." She teased me! You don't tease someone with a broken limb! Even if said someone will be fully regenerated in a few days.

I was royally pissed, but I tapped on her thighs. I gave up, the most humiliating way possible. And she laughed. Not a mocking laugh, tough, just a laugh of relief. She sat down on the mat and looked at me. Her hair was a mess, the tight bun was gone and the silver streak was completely obscured by the golden locks, her face was red with strained effort:

"Phew, that was close. I thought I would have to snap that knee to make you quit, you little stubborn thingy."

She had this cheerful smile, and her voice sounded more like a praise than a mockery. Hell, the other girls where even clapping. That was when I disarmed, I guess. Yeah, I got my ass kicked, but it was fun, in a sense. I felt my heart pounding in my chest as my lungs gasped for air, I could smell my own blood and sweat, the sweat of my enemy, and the soap she used earlier. It felt good, you know? As if suddenly my body remembered how it is to be alive.

Sound of Thunder was still smiling when she helped me to my feet and the other three gathered around us:

"You're cool, Snake Eyes." The Elodoth, Night's Voice, said. "You're as stubborn as Shibata here." She made a head gesture to the Japanese one. "Now, before you decide to gut us or some other bad stuff, why don't we talk this over a bowl of popcorn and a silly movie?"

"You girls did all this just to get me to watch a movie with you?"

Thunder raised her hands in a defeated gesture.

"My fault. I knew just inviting little miss badass wouldn't do it, so I thought of something interesting. I did some research on you and found out you where easy to anger. I also found out you couldn't wrestle if your life depended on it, and, hey, I'm a ex-amateur MMA Fighter! Jackpot"

I punched her. In the face. Hard. She went to the ground so fast I almost laughed, but she got up fast too. She was still smiling even though I gave her a black eye. But then again, said black eye would only last what? Fifteen minutes?

"Okay, I'm in, if only because this was the stupidest plan I've ever seen."

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?"

"Oh, shut up!"

We watched some romantic comedy, the one about the girl who can't remember everything after one day and there's this guy who needs to make her fall in love with him every day in a different way. Funny movie.

And that's how I got my ass handed to me today, and made some new friends in the process. Life is weird.

Oh, and I'm starting the hardest training of my life tomorrow. I'll even learn some BJJ. That dumb blonde is getting payback. Stupid teasing someone with a broken limb...


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are copyright White Wolf.**

**CHAPTER III: Back on track**

Training began today. I hate to admit it, but I'm kind of taking a liking to ground wrestling. It's hard, takes a lot of effort, but it doesn't really matter if you're a tiny, 1,67 meters tall girl like me or a gigantic, 1,81 meters tall amazon like Thunder. Plus, it's great for building strength and stamina.

It still looks silly and highly homoerotic, though.

The only thing I don't like about it, is that I have to train with Sound of Thunder. She's nice, after you get through the boisterous shell, but I want to beat her, and it doesn't seem right to learn all you can from a person then kick said person's ass. On the other hand, if she keeps teasing me I WILL revel in her pain when we finally have our rematch.

Whoa, I'm picking up her exaggerated tone. Flippin' Cahaliths...

Funny thing is, Thunder is a lot like Moonbiter, yet very different at the same time. Both of them are tall, strong women with a lot of affinity for all things physical. And, I'll give in to that, both of them are what one could call attractive. But while Moonbiter is a seductress with a mean streak, Thunder is a warrior lady who somehow manages to come off as elegant and strong, rather than intimidating and brutish.

Of course, noticing the similarities about them makes me wonder why is she here? Did she do the same type of stuff Moonbiter did? Will she leave us, leave me, the first moment a pretty guy who is not scared of her bestial nature comes up?

I just realized it's hard to make friends when you think everyone will leave you when you need them.

Not going to delve into those thoughts, there lies the path to loneliness and angriness. I'd rather think about today's routine and the progress I've made. Thunder said I'm already pretty strong, but my endurance sucks, so she was going to beat me and smash me like clay until I came out stouter on the other side.

Now that I think about it, that metaphor doesn't sound very pleasant.

Well, training started very simply: limber up, warm up, couple hundred push-ups, couple hundred sit-ups, the basics. Then it's takedown training, followed by takedown evasion training (my favorite part, as there's little grabbing), then it's on to ground submission techniques, then the sparring sessions. The other girls where there with us, and I didn't got to do sparring since I can't wrestle, and its ground only.

I must say I got surprised on how well these four women get along, they're really different. The Japanese one, Shibata, for example is so silent I think I only heard she say two or three words, yet she seems to get her point across with only a look. That, and she's the most vicious fighter I've ever seen.

Seriously, I thought I was hardcore, and that Laughing Thunder, the big Rahu from my former pack (who is in no way related to Sound of Thunder, even though both of them are tall, blonde and strong), was the toughest bastard ever. But this Shibata, she's some sort of devil.

She was the only one Sound sparred with on foot rather than on the ground. It turned to a full on fight so fast I thought we'd have to stop them from killing each other. Shibata evaded all of Sound's attempts to take her down, and countered with some vicious knees and elbows. At one point they actually clinched and the Japanese just pounded her opponents torso with her knees. Hell, she actually took Thunder down! She only lost because once they were on the ground the blonde's experience began to shine and she managed to pull a bog-standard armbar.

Still, by the end of that 'sparring' session, there was blood everywhere and Sound's face had an ugly looking gash above the left eye. Crazy blonde still managed to give a bloody smile and salute her foe.

However, they got blood even on the ceiling, and the mat had to be cleaned up. So while Thunder and I got some mops and started cleaning the mess, the other three took the mat outside to wash it and dry it up before the sun set.

Sound of Thunder's hair had red all over it, and blood was clogging down on her chest and abs, forming deep red streaks that turned darker when they got into her short shorts and sports bra. She looked like shit, I couldn't hold it:

"Say, does it hurt as bad as it looks?" I couldn't resist asking as I moped the ground and left her to deal with the walls and ceiling of the room.

"Not really. I'm still pumped up in adrenaline, and when that ends most of this will have healed anyways." Her voice was tired, but she still managed a grin.

"Well, how come there's all this blood? It's just a tiny gash."

"Not that tiny. Plus, I got nosebleed and I'm pretty sure I bit my tongue when I took the third knee to the face. I really should start wearing mouth protectors when sparring with Shibata."

She tried to laugh at her little joke, but her lungs decided it was too early for that, so she only managed a painful sounding cough. I have to say I liked seeing her beat up. Yeah, yeah, she won, but she got so pounded I couldn't really care.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you? You sadistic little thingy."

I must have set my thoughts on broadband transmission. And I suck at feigning surprise, and/or lying:

"No, I'm not. I was actually worried you two would take that fight to the death."

That last part was true.

"Now I understand why they call you 'Snake Eyes'..."

"What?"

She stopped scrubbing a blood stain from a wall and turned to me. One of her eyes was swollen, but it already had started healing. Even wounded, her dark hazel eyes still had a piercing glare:

"Hey, I'm not angry at you, but, damn! You don't move or act like it, but your eyes betray your soul, girl. I saw the way you looked at me when I was getting beaten up... The whole predator shtick was not just for show, I guess."

That was one of those moments when I disarmed completely. No one ever told me I looked like I enjoyed watching those I dislike suffer. Worst of all, I realized I had no reason to wish any evil upon this dumb blonde. She was just that, a dumb blonde.

"I'm sorry... I..."

She dropped the scrub and walked over to me. And then she hugged me. And I guess I hugged her back. It was really weird, generally I don't like touching people or people touching me, but in those moments I disarm, I guess I become easy prey. Plus, she was kind of warm to the touch and the size difference between us allowed me to nestle up in her embrace like a little child.

Then I noticed I had almost stuffed my face in her bosom. Awkward.

We let go of each other, just then she pulled my face up by the chin and looked me in the eyes again:

"There, childish and cute again, much better."

I punched her. Hard. In the gut. Dumb blonde didn't even flinch. Instead she smiled a bloody, but soothing simile:

"My name is Celeste, by the way, what's yours?"

We have titles for two reasons: the first is that a title makes quite clear who and what you are, the second is that it makes your human name that more powerful. Someone calls you by your human name, they either know you well, like your pack mates, or really like you, like some wolf I don't like to talk about.

So, when that dumb blonde just threw her name up like that, it was almost surreal. I didn't even ask. It was like she was asking 'hey let's be friends!" in the most indirectly direct way possible. It took me a lot of time to decide:

"Clara. My name is Clara"

She kept that soothing smile and said:

"Short and sweet, like you. Now, Clara, can you stop punching me at random?"

I almost punched her again, but she had a point. So I just gave her a light punch, more of a kind stroke to the gut.

"Ah, okay. By the way, why don't you go take a bath? You smell."

She sniffed the air, then sniffed one of her hair locks, then sniffed her armpit. It was all an elaborate scene, but she did play it in a funny way. In the end, she turned to me and said, with honesty:

"Well, I hugged you, so now you smell too!"

I picked up my mop. I hadn't even noticed it had fallen before. And went straight back to cleaning the ground. I did my best to sound like an old, angry lady:

"We should be working here, not goofing around! Those bloodstains won't clean themselves, you know?"

She too picked up her scrub and went back to work.

"Fine, you smelly, sadistic thingy..."

"Dumb, brutish, blonde."

We started flinging insults at each other. It made the boring work a lot more funny, but I noticed I didn't know much about this Celeste, not enough to properly call her names yet. Still, she felt right, I guess. Yeah, a lot like Moonbiter... Only Moonbiter had this motherly feeling, I think because of the age gap between us, while Sound of Thunder is much closer to my age, if only a tad older, so she's more like a sister, or a very good friend.

Yeah, a very good friend. When we finished cleaning the training room we even hit the showers together. The bathrooms in this farm are communal, large rooms with several shower booths so you can get some privacy if you need it. I guess it's a lot like a club or camping house. Or a prison.

But it's not that bad. We managed to trade stories about our physical scars. I told her about this time I got three shots to the gut in a jungle fight, we couldn't fire back because we had a human with us and we had to get him to safety before he woke up. She told me about once her pack chased down some rat hosts into the sewers and their slave master sent all the hosts available to rush her pack in a tight corridor. She and the alpha got stuck on the front line and took the brunt of the assault. Must have been quite a fight.

That made me wonder again. I'm not the only one here who had a pack once, so what brought these women here? Thunder sounds so boisterous and happy I can't even imagine what she could have done. I think I should ask her, but that would be rude.

Maybe she did the same stupid stuff Moonbiter used to do. If that's the case, I'll ditch her and her lady friends. I don't want more traitors in my life. Whoa, stop. Am I really that mad? Could I be so angry at this perceived treason I'm seeing everyone as false and traitorous? I can't believe I have become so cynic and bitter. I gotta do something about it before I end up alone again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Werewolf The Forsaken and all related names are copyright white wolf**

**Modified some stuff around the vampire encounter. It felt a little too one sided before. It is still one sided, but that's the point of it, actually.**

**CHAPTER IV: Picking up the pace**

It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote something down here. I guess I only write when I'm feeling bad, and those last weeks have been pretty fun, so I had nothing.

Yeah, my definition of fun involves being daily beaten by someone twice my size. Go figure. But these training routines have helped me get back to my former, sharp self. Hell, I'd even say I'm stronger and I know I have built a lot of endurance in these last few weeks. I even gained weight!

I'm a tiny, skinny, wiry girl, I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking like an anorexic midget model.

But, my concerns about appearance aside, something interesting happened yesterday and I decided to write it down. It's Saturday today, so yesterday was Friday, and it started like all Fridays start over here: morning appeasing rituals to the protector spirit of the ranch, then breakfast, then a quick hunt for catching the lunch, then butchering the catch of the day, cooking it, and it's lunchtime. Hunting is done in wolf form, to hone our senses, and not everyone does it every day, but Irrakas, werewolves of the New Moon, like me usually get saddled with hunting most of time. Not that I'm complaining about it.

So, I managed to save a hindquarter of this deer I ran down for my new friends, and we were sharing it, all sat on one of the large wooden tables in the eating hall. Four Fangs, the shaman of the group, had cooked it using some different herb mix, so it tasted quite novel, if a little strong for my taste, but I guess that's because I like raw meat.

So, we were talking about food, and hunting and whatnot, when Night's Voice, our half-moon, just calls the group's attention and says:

"Hey, girls, listen up. I've been talking with elder Sundered Earth, and I managed to convince her to let us leave this joint today for some fun in town."

Thunder snorted, but she seemed to like the idea:

"Heh, what did you do? Polished her boots with your tongue?"

"Almost." Voice managed a wicked grin. "I promised her we would clean the stables and the slaughterhouse this Sunday."

"Voice, screw you." Shibata's wisdom is always sound.

"Okay, I think the real question is: where are we going?" Thunder chimed in again before it became an insult fest.

"Well, there's this night club at the edge of town. Shady business, lots of mean mannered people, but the kind of place no one would care about us. They also have this mean band playing old school rock'n roll."

"Sounds fun" Four Fangs was the first to say, her mouth still full of deer meat. "I could use a good night of dancing."

"I'm in too." Of course Thunder was in, she is a gibbous moon, they all love music.

"Someone has to watch over you whelps." That was Shibata's way of saying she wanted in.

Then they all turned to me. I'm not surprised Voice was the one asking the question, it was her idea after all:

"So, what about you, Snake Eyes?"

When I get drunk, I do stupid stuff. I lose all sense of self-respect or restrain, and become little more than a gloomy, angry and lusty beast. I couldn't bring myself to risk ruining their fun with one of my stupid drunken rampages:

"No. I can't dance."

Bad liar. I'm not a stellar dancer, but once you learn how to fight, learning how to dance is not that hard. Anyways, Thunder saw right through it:

"Yeah, right. Well, you can hang at the bar with Shibata, so she won't feel lonely while we have fun." She jabbed at the Japanese with her elbow, prompting her to complete:

"I could use company, yes."

"Come on, girl" Four Fangs looked like a barbarian, with her short, rugged hair, face tattoos and a half-eaten bone in her hands. "What are you going to do tonight? Lock yourself in your room and wallow in self pity? That's not healthy. You're coming with us even if Thunder has to drag you all the way to from here to town."

"Heh, I could do that." Thunder smiled. I'm starting to think she likes to beat me. "So, thingy, what say you? Easy way or hard way?"

I didn't really want to, but I also didn't have anything better to do. Plus, maybe I really needed some contact with humans. So I accepted, in an admittedly awkward way that I'm not writing down here. Suffice to say, we did go out that night.

We used a car loaned from the lodge, and Four Fangs was driving. I didn't know what to wear, so I went with jeans pants, short, sleeveless shirt and my short leather jacket over it. I also kept a knife hidden in my boots, just in case. I always have a knife hidden in my boots, that's why I wear boots actually.

The farm we live on is about two hours away from this town. I don't know the name of it, and by the time we got there I was too busy trying to undo a braid someone did on my hair to notice the plaque with the town's name. The nightclub did look nice, though, it was a tall, black building in the corner of a street. The front doors where painted black and the place's name, The Black Rose, was written in big red neon letters above it. We parked the car on this lot on the lower street, behind the club. A lamppost was malfunctioning near the parking lot, but if some idiot decided to rob us, we could track him down fairly easy.

Night's Voice led the line to the club's entrance. You had to show your I.D. to the big guy in at the door so he would give you a card that allowed entrance and kept track of your orders. The normal deal. When we entered the place, it was about half past nine, so it was picking the pace of the night.

I can't say I liked it. Right at the entrance I bumped into this airheaded chick who was laughing out really loud. She yelled some bad word at me, but I just growled back at her and she backed off. Really nice way to start a night.

And I should remind myself sarcasm doesn't come off very well when it's written.

Anyways, most of the night was uneventful. We found ourselves a table, ordered some snacks and drinks and sat down until the music built up to a point where you could dance to it. So, three of the girls went to the dancing floor, leaving me and Shibata sitting on the table, drinking and looking grim. Thunder actually tried to make me stand up and dance, but I couldn't be arsed to do it.

I drank a couple beers. That's really funny, because generally if I drink more than one can I start getting drunk already. Yesterday I didn't. It felt like I could down as much as I wanted and still I would not get drunk. Didn't try to test that theory, though, so I kept to the beer bottles and just a few of them.

It wasn't really boring. Watching people dance and listening to music is quite nice, and Shibata might not be the talkative type, but at least she doesn't make stupid questions like Thunder does. All in all, not a bad night.

They danced from ten to midnight, nonstop. Whenever the band wanted to take a break Thunder or Fangs would start the crowd up and demand more. I'm pretty sure they were using gifts to make the people follow them, because once even I got this weird urge to head to the dance floor and start dancing. By midnight, every person in that club was dead tired and sweating like a pig, well, except for me and Shibata.

Thunder's face and hair were matted with sweat, and she smelled really strongly of it, I think it was because of the perfume she used, it didn't mix well with body odor. Not that the other two were any better. Okay, Night's Voice was better, because her curly hair didn't absorb liquid like the others, so she didn't look so wet.

They looked really thirsty as they sat down with us. As Fangs called the waitress for more drinks, Thunder actually grabbed the last beer bottle from my hands and downed it. Blonde seems to have no sense of personal space.

They talked about music and the people on the dance floor. I didn't pay attention. There was this smell, a very strong one, flooding my nostrils. I think the smell of sweat and liquor masqueraded it a little, because I couldn't put my finger on it until I saw him talking to a girl two tables across ours.

He was tall, well dressed in an expensive shirt and custom pants, raven hair combed back in a style reminiscent of some movie character from a time before I was even born. He was a vampire, I was sure about it. Not just the way he smelled, but the way he carried himself, elegant, good manners, with a dash of gallantry and flamboyant just enough so it would be charming instead of gross. Yeah, a vampire. I know them, I hate them, but I couldn't care less about him.

If it was my choice, I'd stalk him and gut him when nobody was looking. But it wasn't my choice, we weren't there for a hunt, we were there for some dancing and drinking. The bastard was doing his thing, but I would be in the wrong if I did anything about it.

I noticed Thunder was eyeing him too. She was doing it in a much more subtle way, but I know how to notice this type of behavior. When he stood up and pulled the girl he was talking by the hand, Thunder just stood up and made a beeline for them. The girl was this pale skinned brunette, her hair was dyed to a deep black and she was wearing a black vinyl dress, your standard pseudo-gothic.

When Thunder pulled her by the shoulder and kissed her, it all got a little bit weird. The girl stood still for a moment, blinked and seemed confused. Our blonde whispered something on her ear and nodded in the direction of the vampire, who looked as indignant as any guy whose 'catch' of the day just got swooped off his greedy hands.

The girl left hurriedly, and Thunder returned to us with her trademark smug smirk splattered over her face.

"Some bloodsucker is not having his meal today." She chuckled.

The vampire left too, but I could see him head to the bar and leave trough the backdoor. Not a good sign, but Shibata expressed my thoughts better:

"Yeah, and now you just put us on his crosshairs."

To say things got tense is to put it mildly. We couldn't leave right now or it would call unwanted attention, but if we stayed too long we risked falling into whatever trap that vampire was surely setting up for us. I decided for a midterm between both:

"Okay, it's half past midnight now. We wait until half past one. By that time there will be little movement on the streets, but the people won't be leaving the place yet. If they try something, we'll see it coming."

"Sounds like a plan." Voice gestured with her bottle to make the conversation seem casual. "But why 'they'?"

"I doubt there's only one of them here. If we're lucky, he was just passing and we won't see him again. Since I doubt this kind of luck, I'd say this is a feeding ground and we just put ourselves on the highest place of the menu."

"Whoa, you sound like you know them so much."

"The sarge made us read The Art of War. I hate them, so I know them. That way I can kill them better. Which makes me think I should really have foreseen this was a vampire feeding ground, it looks just like one. I must be getting sloppy"

"Heh, I didn't know you where the reading type..."

Thunder sure knows how to change the subject. Soon enough we were talking about books and stories and movies and TV shows and we almost forgot we should be leaving soon. Shibata was kind enough to remember us.

So we left at ten to two, after paying our bills and Voice even said goodbye to this cute boy she had danced with. We walked down the street to the parking lot really fast, we didn't even chat on the way, everyone was with hunter mode turned on.

We didn't really need it. The bloodsucking bastard was waiting for us right by our car. He and seven of his palls. By their smell, only three of them where vampires, the other five where those stupid humans who drink vampire blood and think they're supermen. What surprised me was Night's Voice trying to talk things out:

"Okay, listen, we're sorry one of ours busted your feeding today. She's just dumb, okay? We'll just pretend this never happened, leave and you'll never see us again."

The humans drew weapons, most of them silenced submachine guns, not that dangerous, but they had numbers. The three vampires where apparently unarmed, but looks can deceive. The one Thunder had provoked seemed to be their leader, great.

"Well, now we got an impasse, fleabags. I see five of you and I can agree that fighting would not be beneficial to any of us. But this dumb blonde, as you say yourself, has spited me in my own feeding ground. Surrender her to me, and the rest of you may leave."

That was one of those moments where you see he was trying to make us fight. You don't ask a werewolf to abandon a comrade. We don't do that. We may be killers, robbers, and even vandals, but traitors we are not.

"Thunder, can you do that scary cahalith war form thing?" I whispered to her.

"I'm Luna's silver champion." She whispered back, smiling.

"Cool. Shibata, with us. Everyone, war form, the three of us take the leeches down. Voice and Fangs get their thralls. We have what? Twenty seconds before someone calls the police?" Whispering all that really fast was not easy.

"We'll make it in ten." Shibata grinned wickedly.

"On my mark, then..." I whispered back. By then the vampires were on to us. They knew we were planning something, but they didn't know what. I raised my hands and took a step forward, slow and unthreatening. I lowered my voice tone, purring the words out like I've seen Moonbiter do a lot of times.

"Look, sire, we are sorry. But leaving a mate behind is not something we do. Can't we talk this out? I'm sure a man like you could use five healthy females..."

It was a ruse, just so I could cover a little more of the distance between us. The thing with vampires, you see, is that they're social predators. They're ruthless, ambitious and bold, but only with their minds. The few of them who use their bodies are beasts shunned by their own society. So, when fighting a vampire, the best thing to do is get physical and do it fast, so they can't entrance you with their mind tricks.

So we got physical. All together, following Thunder's war howl, we charged. Screw that vampire and his goons, he shouldn't have threatened one of ours. As we launched ourselves on them and they unloaded their weapons on us, our clothes tore apart and our bodies grew. Skin shed to give way to thick fur, muscles burst to make themselves stronger and bones snapped into new places as we became the beasts we all have in our hearts.

I love to use the war form. It hurts when you transform, but it's the best pain there is. My mind becomes clear in its rage, and even if I can't reason much, everything makes sense. And doing it together with tribe mates is that much more rewarding. The war form is the wolf man form, the raging, slavering beast everyone thinks when they hear the word 'werewolf'. Sharp fangs and claws, skin thick enough to stop bullets and strength to rend a man in two in a single swipe. We rarely use it, and some of us don't like it. As for me, I relish the opportunity to loosen my inner beast on someone who deserves it.

Thunder's fur shined silver in the moonlight, and her howls spurred us into a greater battle frenzy that allowed us to ignore their puny bullets and tear them apart. Shibata's claws confirmed my theory that she was some sort of devil, every swipe she took rend flesh and exposed broken bones. The humans where scared shitless by our ferocious assault, and the bloodsuckers where actually surprised we went for their throats.

The real winning move was having Shibata and Thunder charge behind me. Shibata is a Rahu, a warrior of Luna. When a Rahu uses his war form, you can't control his mind, you can't leash his rage or deceive him with tricks. You have to face him. And Thunder is a cahalith, a lore keeper, yeah, but if you ever heard about the skalds of nordic lore you will you know that lore keeper doesn't mean whiny musician. When a cahalith transforms, enemies around him fly into a panic state, even more than common humans when they see one of us.

So, with the three of us charging down on him, the vampire leader couldn't focus his powers into the weaker members of the pack. He was too busy trying to understand why the beast in front of him wouldn't obey his command. He and the other two bloodsuckers did put up a fight, tough, they were just caught unprepared. We had to use every ounce of strength and mystical gifts of Luna we had to overpower them before they could mount a decent reaction or call for backup.

It was fast, it was brutal, it was ugly. When he realized he couldn't mind control us in that state, the vampire leader actually went for some sort of blood sorcery that I seldom see. He charred my chest with some kind of hellish fire, but I couldn't care less at the moment. I can't say why, but I felt even more rage at him than I normally do. I could hear my voice in my head "You don't touch MY friend!" It roared. I roared.

By the time the fighting was over the parking lot was bathed in blood and gore. We were drenched in it, and I would have liked the smell if not for the rotting stench emanating from the vampires. We laughed in relief and euphoria when we noticed it was over and no one had seen it. Yeah, there would be talking about it, but a slaughter like that wouldn't even make it to the news. It rarely does because the cops don't want to scary the populace. Brazil is like that.

We had cuts and bullet holes everywhere, especially Shibata, Thunder and me, because we took the bloodsuckers head on. Shibata even had a silver knife lodged in her thigh. Silver hurts like hell and doesn't regenerate easily, but if you are going to face a werewolf, a knife might not be enough. Adrenaline and rage are good anesthetics, and while a wound like that would be a pain in the ass to recover from, it wouldn't have stopped her while in war form.

That was when we noticed we were all buck naked. Turning into a two meters plus tall beast tends to shred clothing, and now we all looked like crazed sadistic nudists. Well, except Four Fangs, as she was still dressed:

"Lemme guess, you girls forgot the rite of pants?"

The rite of pants is the nickname we give to this special ritual that allows us to bind a piece of clothing to our spirit, allowing it to change with us or vanish completely according to the situation. Most of our battle gear has this rite applied on, but our casual outfits? Only the shaman would remember to do it.

"Damn. Those where my lucky panties!" It takes a really sick person to make a joke like that when she is covered in blood and riddled with bullet holes. I guess I'm starting to like Night's Voice a little bit.

"Good thing I was driving then. Or else we would be diving into guts looking for the car keys..." Four Fangs called us back to reality and had us get into the car really fast. We had to close all the door's windows, so the darkened glass would give us some cover in the night. Well, until some cop stopped the car, then we would be arrested in a very awkward way.

Night's Voice got to ride shotgun, with me, Shibata and Thunder on the back. It smelled of blood, sweat and booze in that car, and we could all feel our hearts pumping madly and our nostrils dilated with predatory intent. Shibata kept to herself, and I had to sit on my hands or I would start to lick the blood on them. Thunder, sat between me and the Japanese, didn't help any of it.

She held her arms open, hands resting behind her head. She beamed. Deep down, all of us felt the same rush, the same euphoria of not only releasing our beastly sides, but also scoring a relatively easy victory on enemies who are usually not easy prey. All of us felt that way, but only Thunder would openly admit it. She even offered to help pull out the bullets from our wounds. They would come off eventually, but if we ripped them out the wounds would heal faster.

I let her work on my backside. Someone found a first aid set on the car, so she could use a pair of medical pliers to make the process faster and less bloody and painful. It wasn't painful at all, to be honest. It reminded me of Thunder talking about adrenaline rushes. I guess I was so pumped up I didn't feel a thing, because today I woke up with my back trying to kill the rest of my body.

It was a weird trip back to the farm, especially after we left the town and the girls started to loosen up. Soon we were talking about the fight, and joking about our lost clothing. Then I remembered I had lost more than clothes back there:

"Damn! I lost a knife."

"So what? Buy a new one." Voice shrugged.

"It's not that simple. Most of my knifes are either gifts or rare models, so losing one always feels bad."

Thunder reached out and hugged me with one arm while the other one gave a light jab to my ribs. She felt so big and warm again I almost didn't notice we were naked.

"Okay, since you where a quick little thingy today, I guess we can give you a new knife."

"I can do that." Shibata said. "Here" She ripped the silver dagger from her thigh and handed it to me, still slick with blood. I took it, and realized I had nowhere to hold it for now.

I left the knife resting under the passenger's seat. I guess I'm not as sharp as I used to be, because that little fight got me really tired. Or maybe it was the beer, I'm never been a strong drinker. Anyways, I ended up falling asleep before we got back to the farm. I woke up today, cleaned up and on my bed. I wonder who gave me a bath, and why I had this taste of blood in my mouth.

Well, at least it was a somewhat good night. No, I don't count starting a fight and ending up naked and covered in blood as a good thing. Winning said fight was good, though. And I never slept better, my bed never felt so warm and my mind never felt so clear. Yeah, good night.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are copyright White Wolf.**

**Modified chapter IV, check it out if you drop by.**

**CHAPTER V: Life is getting better**

Today was one of those days I can't really put my finger on. I'd say it was a good day, but I'm feeling really weird right now. I can't really classify my feelings as good or bad. I know I never felt this way before, and that makes me a little scared.

So, I woke up early because we had to do the chores Night's Voice promised we'd do for our little night out. And we're getting a disciplinary action tomorrow for our little fight with the vampires. Well, Voice and Shibata got to clean the slaughterhouse, while Fangs washed the blood from the car and Thunder and me cleaned the stables. I don't like the smell of horses, but right now I don't want to smell blood anymore.

As I said, I woke up, had my breakfast, then headed to the stables. I passed by Fangs on the way, and saw her disassembling the car to wash all the bloodstains. When you have enemies who can track even the faintest trace of smell, you need to be extra careful. And we were really careless last Friday.

Anyways, I met Thunder at the stables' doors just as some other lodge members were taking the horses out to bathe them and brush them. They were three young wolves, the oldest of them younger than me. I realize now I'm older than I act or look, because those girls actually called me 'pup' during breakfast.

I'm no pup or whelp, even if I do look like one.

We started slow, taking out the thrash and old haystacks, tools, saddles and the like. The place was awfully smelly, and there was horse dung everywhere. Okay, maybe not everywhere, but it sure seemed like it. Thunder was really cheerful, even more cheerful than usual, and that helped a lot with the mood. By the time we were halfway through taking all the stuff out, she started talking:

"So, did you sleep well yesterday?" She had a warmer smile today, not her usual smug smile that makes me want to punch her.

"Yeah, yeah. By the way, who got me to bed? I think I slept on the car..."

"I did. Helped you to take a bath too, I hope you don't mind. You smelled." She made an ugly face, as if she could smell it again, but I actually took the joke in stride and chuckled a little. It was nice of her to help me instead of laying me down on bed and let me handle the blood soaked sheets when I woke up.

We talked about music, thanks to remembering last Friday. I don't know how she did it, but Thunder made me admit I learned some samba from Moonbiter, and even got me to dance a little while she pretended to play a pandeiro, a hand drum commonly used in samba music. Good thing no one but her saw me dancing, it would ruin my reputation of being a hardass.

But it was also really funny. I don't get to dance that much, specially now after I got kicked out of my pack. Without Moonbiter and Laughing Thunder, I am a very moody person, I think. What I'm trying to understand until now is why I said that out loud:

"You know what's funny? That my first friend in this place would remind me so much of my best friends in my former pack."

The blonde stopped moping the ground and turned to me. She had a confused look in her face, I think for the first time:

"What? I mean, I don't get it..."

"It's just that you're a lot like Moonbiter, you know? You're strong, smart, and have this 'I do what I want' attitude. But unlike Moonbiter, you're not overtly sexual or predatory. Instead you are easygoing and loud like Laughing Thunder, our Rahu."

"Whoa, cool." She smiled "I just got compared in a positive light to the legendary Laughing Thunder. Say, is it true that he got shot twenty times with a fifty cal and still killed the guy firing it?"

That story is so old everyone on the Lodge knows it by now.

"The guy firing it and his two friends. Then he ripped the gun from its nest, and charged the other guerrillas down the road while we maneuvered behind them. They never stood a chance." That had been a very good fight, and reminiscing of it made me let out a long, overly dramatic sigh as I got back to work.

"What's wrong?"

I didn't want to answer that, but her worried tone was so genuine I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I ended up talking, but without stopping my work:

"Say, Celeste, do you ever miss your pack?"

I think using her human name hit some nerve, because her expression changed from beaming to sad so fast it would be funny out of context.

"All the time." She answered with a tired voice. "All the fucking time. Sometimes I wish I hadn't done what I did, but whenever I look back to it, I see no other way that mess could have ended."

When I noticed where it was going, I ran out of words. I tried to focus even more on the ground, on the work we were supposed to be doing. I noticed we'd need some soap and water to clean up the older dirt, so I went back to the tool shed to get them. I also got a scrub, because no way that ground was getting clean without some good scrubbing.

Yeah, I ran from the conversation. I'm not good with sentimental stuff. That, and I was scared of what I could find out. What if this Thunder was a traitor? What if she was just white skinned Moonbiter waiting to happen? I didn't want no part of it.

Of course, my mind had to remind me, as I got back with the cleaning products, that I had been rude. And, worst of all, I felt sad for it. Usually, I don't really care, but by that point Sound of Thunder, Celeste, had got under my skin. She was the only friend I had here, I couldn't let her get mad at me because I was afraid to hear her story.

I got back to the stables and helped her mix the soap with the water. Then we both got on our knees and started scrubbing the ground. It stunk, and it was hot as hell, but I tried to focus on the task so we could finish it faster.

We did finish it fast. I think both of us realized how awkward it had got and wanted to just finish it fast and head to our rooms. Problem is, by the time we had finished, it was past lunchtime and we had lost it because we were so focused. So now we had to wait until dinner to eat a decent meal. We were tired, sweating and I didn't want to send her away without saying I was sorry. So, while the horses were being brought back in, I turned to her and said:

"I'm heading to the mango trees to grab something to eat and rest a little. Want to come?"

She gave me a shrug and a half hearted yes, but that was okay. The mango trees are hidden in the back of the ranch, after the crops and in the margin of the local river. It's a nice place if you want to be alone, or have some private conversation. Plus, mangoes taste good.

So, when we got there I climbed up one of the trees and caught a ripe mango, a big, red and yellow one that looked really juicy. To my surprise, Thunder could climb very well too, and we ended up sitting together on a large tree branch, savoring some fruit in silence.

"So, why did they send you here?" I'm not good with breaking the ice, so I decided to cut to the chase.

"Straight as a razor, huh?"

"Sorry, but I'm not good with words. And you know a lot about me, I know next to nothing about you. You could say I'm curious."

She let out a long sigh, sucked on the mango on her hands and started:

"Well, I guess I could humor you, you little clueless thingy. I was part of a pack operating in the inner marshlands of Mato Grosso. Our alpha was a pretty laid back guy, so when I got a girlfriend, he didn't even bat and eye. Of course, she was a liability, but I managed to keep her safe."

I didn't like the way her story was going. It reminded me too much of Moonbiter and her escapades. Of course, Moonbiter didn't go for a single gender when she could have both, so maybe there was some difference here. I didn't stop her from continuing the story:

"She was a cute secretary for some marketing company, we dated for about one year. Sometimes she would catch a scar on me, or wonder where did my cash came from, or where the hell I worked at, but I managed to come up with good excuses. Then things got real. We were chasing this group of spirit ridden for some months now, they were strong, tied to the drug dealing and gun selling gangs, so we couldn't fight them in a direct way."

She tossed the spent mango seed to the ground below us and leaned to the side to pluck another one. Her hands were slick with mango juice, as were her mouth and teeth. The comparison with blood was inevitable.

"So we hounded them and hunt them down like good predators do. We killed them slow, and culled their numbers while they couldn't realize who was killing them. Of course, by the time we had cut their numbers in half, they got smart. The gauntlet went crazy with spirit activity, and we had to be extra careful to cover our tracks."

I could hear the anger rising in her voice tone. She was taking stronger and harder bites out of the mango in her hands, as if to prove a point:

"But I rode the victory glory for too long and got sloppy. One day I got seen with my girlfriend leaving a restaurant. Those bastards homed on us like missiles. Three cars drove by us, guns firing from the windows. I pulled my girl into cover and called for backup, and one of my pack mates answered it pretty fast. He gave us covering fire so we could escape the gangs' ambush. My girlfriend went mad, hysterical, she had never even seen a gun fire in her whole life and now she was plunged deep into a fight that wasn't hers or even had anything to do with her. But I thought I could protect her, see her unharmed to the end of that crap."

She finished her second mango and absently grabbed a third one:

"We tried to bail out, heads low, running fast, while my pack mate rained hell on them from across the street. He was our irraka, and of course he had a good eye. He made them keep their heads low and not try to hurt me, or my lover. But then he stopped shooting."

Thunder couldn't bring herself to take another bite, so she just held the fruit in her hands, sighing:

"He said later he was ambushed from behind and had to fight for his life. I didn't care, I still tried to kill him. If he had held his ground for five more minutes, I could have gotten her out, unscratched. I doubt she would have stayed with me after that, but at least she would be safe. But he didn't hold, and my love was not safe. Shot in the leg, at the knee, assault rifle. Tore her leg clean off. I raged, I transformed, I killed stuff. Only made things worse."

It was the first time I saw Thunder lower her head in defeat, as she finished her story:

"I thought I was strong enough to protect both of us. What I did was hurting her and making her hate me. She told me that much when I visited her at the hospital. I was a freak and I should leave before she called the cops or the army. And so I left. And I went straight back to my pack and unleashed my frustration into the one who actually tried to help me. I almost killed him."

I didn't even notice I was hugging her while she talked. It felt right, even if I couldn't really embrace her when she had almost twice my size. I guess I just did what I could to show I understood her.

"I thought I had strength. That I could use that strength to protect her. But that was no strength. There is no strength in being strong by yourself. If you cannot share that strength with others, then you are weak. I was weak, so I resigned, even if my pack mates understood my anger..."

"That's something I can understand. Anger, rage, hate, I feel those all too well. But love, that's something I've only read about in books. I think I don't know love, even when everyone says it's something magical and the like. Moonbiter left the lodge because of love, you left your pack because of love. If you want my opinion, love makes more wounds than hate..."

"Clara?"

"What?"

She turned to me and grabbed my chin, turning my head to hers. She smelled strongly of mangoes and soap, and her hands were slick with juice, not that my chin was any better. Her eyes were sad for the first time, but even then they had this spark that made me want to go out and take the world on.

"Quit saying bullshit for a while..."

And then she kissed me. And I guess I kissed her back, because we embraced each other and it felt so good. She felt warm, and I could taste mangoes in her lips, and feel her slick hands push me against her, smashing me against her strong, warm body. It was also very awkward, because I'm pretty sure that was my first kiss. I didn't know what to do with my lips or my tongue, but I tried so hard to do something. In the end, I let her take the lead and I just sunk on her mouth and body. It felt good, it felt safe, it felt right.

It also felt so wrong. I'm not supposed to like another werewolf, that's what they all told me. Moonbiter did it once and got into serious trouble. But Moonbiter did it with a male. Sound of Thunder, Celeste, is a female. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

I don't know, and back then I didn't care. I liked that embrace so much I almost cried when it ended. Thunder had tears in her eyes too, but her smile was genuinely happy when she said:

"Then I found you, our little miss badass. So small, so frail, so weak. And also so strong, so powerful. I wanted your strength, and I wanted to give you mine. I saw your broken spirit, and mine, and realized we could use the pieces to build something together. If only you accept me."

I wanted to jump on her, kiss her, hug her and say "YES! YES!". But I was afraid that was only because no one ever showed this much love for me. No one. But did I love her back? I could only answer with the truth:

"I wish I could. But I don't know how to love someone. Not like this. I never felt this way before. I don't know what to do!"

She smiled and gave me a light kiss on the lips again. I fought the urge to press myself against her some more, just to feel her warmth again.

"Silly, stubborn thingy. I can show you how."

That was all I needed to hear. I gave in. I hugged her, embraced her, we didn't even kiss again. We just stood there, sitting on a high tree branch, cuddling with each other, for how long I don't know and don't care. I wanted that warmth, that feeling of safety.

We went back to the main house holding hands together and feeling like a pair of children. I felt so good, and so bad at the same time. Someone loves me. Someone loves me! I want to scream it!

But I'm so afraid of not loving her back. So afraid of hurting her again, of shunning her like I was shunned once. I will learn how to love her. I will love her. I just hope loving her doesn't bring me, or her, even more trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are copyright White Wolf**

**CHAPTER VI: Putting things in order**

So, today we got our disciplinary action. It was a token effort, it seems, more out of duty than an actual wish to punish us. I guess it's because no one got seriously hurt and there were no witnesses. It was pretty straightforward: we got stripped of clothes and gear and sent into the forests behind the farm, to chase some spirit ridden bunny.

The lodge owns the farm and everything in a two kilometer radius, so it's a lot of terrain to cover, and the bunny had a head start. We couldn't hurt him, just catch him, and couldn't use any mystical gifts, just our own senses. Oh, and changing forms was not allowed, because wolf form would have made the whole thing really easy. The punishing part was that we had no breakfast, and couldn't return to the farm unless it was dawn and we had caught the bunny. Oh, did I say we started the exercise at dawn?

So, even if we caught the bunny by mid day, which we didn't, we would still have to spend the night in the wilderness. Naked. Without gear. And if we cheated, we would be in for some real punishment. It really sucks to sleep in the grass when you don't have a furry hide to keep you warm. And sometimes even the furry hide is not enough.

We managed to track the bunny by mid day, but only caught it by dusk. The spirit was a friend of the lodge, so he just said he would give the word we caught him, and we let him go. He didn't lie, or else I wouldn't be writing this.

Catching food was easy too, even without being able to change into a wolf and run down some animals. We're still five very fit women with a lot of coordination and ingenuity. We caught some local fauna to eat and complimented the supper with fruit. Thunder started a fire with some sticks, so in the end of the day we had a decently cooked supper and even some warmth for the night. It get's freakishly cold in these parts.

The only thing I don't like about these girls is that they talk too much. We rolled some stones and tree branches do use as chairs and benches around the fire, and soon everyone was talking trash and telling jokes like it was summer vacation camp.

I didn't want to talk, but I did sit down next to Thunder and leaned on her a bit. It was cold and everyone knows sharing body heat helps. She reached around with one of her arms to my shoulders and embraced me, large and warm as always. Everything had gone so easy and right I think I let my guard down. I was almost asleep when I heard someone say:

"So, you girls are an item now?"

It startled me. I opened my eyes wide and stared at the source of the question: Four Fangs, the shaman, she was idly picking at a bone with her teeth while she motioned with her head to us:

"Oh, it's a secret? Sorry, Cele."

What the?

I lost it. I didn't know what to say, but it felt like a conspiracy. I ended up standing straight and staring, wide eyed, at everyone:

"All right, what the fuck are you girls hiding from me?"

Thunder reached out and hugged me again. Stupid blonde and her harm, soothing smiles. I must have looked like a children, making a scowl while her mom hugs her and pets her. Damn, I tried so hard not to give in to that embrace, but it felt so good:

"We aren't hiding anything, you paranoid thingy. Fangs is an old friend of mine, so I told her I was in love with you. That's why she and the girls kept leaving us alone so we could have some quality time. It paid off in the end, I think."

I should be angry. But the words 'I was in love with you' hit me so hard I was down for the count. I hugged my Thunder tightly, and said, looking at all the ones present:

"So everyone here knew it?"

"Yup" Was the general answer.

"And everyone is okay with it?"

"I'm not." Shibata said, her face locked in an undecipherable deadpan expression. "I think you two should get authorization from the elders to go ahead, that way when we form a pack no one is going to bug us."

For someone who doesn't talk much, that Japanese woman speaks a lot of wisdom. But I couldn't stop feeling I was being left out of the loop:

"Okay, stop it now, and one of you tell me what the fuck have you girls been planning on my back. And don't hide anything this time."

Night's Voice raised her hand, and the silence meant she could talk.

"Okay, Shibata's been here the longest, you see? Several others have tried to recruit her, but she wouldn't leave unless she found the right pack. Or built it herself. Thunder came next, and since she's a warrior at heart too, the two bruisers clicked together. That was when they realized they would have to build a pack from the misfits in this joint or they would never leave this place."

Makes sense.

"Fangs was the third. She got their attention when a spirit challenged our shamans to a contest of strength and wits and she won. That, and she plays a mean violin. I arrived fourth, and in my first day here I told elder Sundered Earth to go fuck herself with a firestick when she introduced me as an undisciplined born beta."

"For the record, she is both of the things, she just did that to piss the elder off. And prove she's undisciplined." Fangs chimed in with a smug smile.

"Yeah, and I got to hang from a tree in the sun for a whole day, then had to clean the bathrooms for a week after... I'm good friends with Sundered Earth now, woman has a sense of humor." They laughed, I didn't. "Last one, of course, was you. By then I had met the girls and we were looking for an irraka to round things up."

"This is where I come in" Fangs interrupted again. "When you arrived we thought you were just a little special snowflake left to dry a little bit before your pack rescued you. Then Thunder fell in love. She's annoying, you must have noticed. She lived you, breathed you, and if it wasn't for me holding her back she would have approached you the day she felt you were 'the one' as she says."

I must confess I felt kinda flattered by that comment. I nested myself into Thunder a little more, and growled with satisfaction. She caressed my head as Fangs moved on:

"Of course, compared to any of us, you're like a professional player coming down to the amateur leagues, so we had to weave some plans around you to call your attention. And since Thunder had the whole love shtick going on, we let her take lead. I must say you two do make a cute couple, though, especially when you're cuddling together like that. If you were dressed, it would make a nice picture."

I felt myself blushing, but I didn't want to let go of my Thunder. Yeah, my Thunder. I like to say that, she's mine, I'm hers. I still don't know if I love her, or if I can even love a person, but I know I like the idea of being part of something. Being part of a pack is good, but being part of a couple is both good and new. I like it.

"So you think we could form a pack? The five of us?"

"If our performances today and last Friday are any indication, I'd say we already are a pack, we just need to formally acknowledge it."

"Fangs has it right, but we need an alpha."

I laughed, like it was a trick question:

"Isn't it obvious? Thunder will be the alpha, since she's so forward with everything."

"I'm too forward. Too impulsive, too much passion in my body. If I lead, there's a large chance I'll lead us into biting off more than we could chew."

She sounded so resolute it was almost sad. I always thought she'd make a good leader, and now she was shooting herself down like it was common business. Well, I decided to turn to the second most obvious choice:

"Night's Voice, then? That way she could prove she's not a born beta."

She shrugged, then sighed heavily.

"But I am a born beta. I tried leading once. It didn't work out nicely. I'm good at finding flaws and exploiting weaknesses, but I'm too impartial. It's and elodoth thing, I guess, always seeing the other side of the history. Sometimes you need to tell the other side to go screw itself, and I'm not good at doing it."

"Even though you are really good at telling people to screw themselves."

That last comment made everyone chuckle. But we were back to ground zero now. Can't have a pack without an Alpha.

"Okay, I'm at a loss here, I don't know who else could lead us. Shibata?"

She stared at me with her dark, almost black and beady eyes, like she was piercing my soul. Yeah, she's a devil, I'm sure about it:

"No. You."

"What?" I screamed so loud I scared some birds behind me into flying into the night.

"Yeah, you. You served under Bonebreaker, you have more lodge medals and recommendations than the four of us put together, and you're even doing it already. You called the shots on that vampire fight, earlier today you were directing us on the hunt, and you're humble enough to accept the wisdom of others, such as when you're training with Thunder."

I wouldn't say I do that last part out of humility, but sometimes people see things that you yourself don't see. Or won't see.

"Whoa, you make me sound like I'm a lot more competent than I actually am."

Thunder squeezed me tighter in her embrace, messing my hair up with her free hand and kissing my forehead:

"Oh, you little depressive thingy, give yourself some credit! I wouldn't have fallen in love with you if I didn't thought I could follow you to battle!"

"So now you only date prospective alphas, Thunder?" Night's Voice mocked her. "because if that's the case, I'll vote for Shibata being our alpha just to see you two kiss."

The rahu's eyes narrowed as she glared at the elodoth. She just needed one word to get her point across:

"Excessive."

It's really funny to watch a person shrink, metaphorically speaking, of course. But there's no other way to describe what the dark skinned woman did. She shrunk into herself, muttering a "Sorry" that sounded more like a "Please don't hurt me, big scary lady."

"Okay, before we lose track of the conversation, I think I can accept this. I've noticed I need to be more responsible, but I'm also afraid of goofing up and ruining the lives of my new friends." I would have added "And Family" to the end of that phrase, but I wasn't confident enough to say it out loud.

Thunder laughed and squeezed me even tighter. I was beginning to lose my breath.

"Heh, you got the fighting part all figured already. The social part, I think me and Voice can give you some pointers, you're a smart thingy, so you'll learn it very fast."

"Just two things: One, if I'm going to be your alpha, you gotta stop calling me 'thingy'. Two: I can't breathe!"

We laughed as she squeezed me tighter and I had to fight my way out. It was surprisingly easy, and by the end of our little wrestling session both me and Thunder where tired and out of breath.

As I recovered my wind, I took a good look at the four women gathered around me and realized I could get used to being in a pack with them. Except for Sound of Thunder, they where all so different from my former pack mates, but that didn't make them any worse. In fact, I think that makes them better, because we can grow together. I'll become a good alpha, and I'll lead them and protect them, while they'll share their strength and wisdom with me. Thunder was right, we can build something using our broken spirits.

And that something will be stronger than the sum of its parts.

"Just one thing that has been nagging on the back of my mind..."

"What, brave leader?"

"I'm sorry if this sounds offensive, but I don't know how to deal with this kind of stuff, you see? I never, uhm, I never loved anyone, Thunder is my first girlfriend. So... How can I say..."

"You want to ask if we all like girls?"

"Humn, yeah, if you put it that way..."

Awkward.

"Yeah, I like girls" Night's Voice smiled. "They're usually better to talk with than boys, and are better at keeping secrets. On the other hand, I decided I'd rather date boys. Tried a girl once, didn't like it."

Four Fangs was obviously suppressing a smirk:

"You've gotta be the most socially awkward person I've ever met, Snake Eyes. If that makes such a difference, Thunder, and you, I guess, is the only homosexual in the group. Both me and Night go for the straight path, and Shibata either has no sex drive, or is waiting for the man who will best her in single, honorable, combat."

"I have no sex drive."

I don't know if it was necessary or I was just curious. But they managed to change the subject before it got unbearable. I decided to just nestle on my big lover again and sleep on her lap. I was savoring my last hours as Snake Eyes the pup. When dawn came, and we presented ourselves to elder Sundered Earth, I was Snake Eyes the Alpha, proud and strong, leading my pack, my new family.

I am surprised at how well the elders took the notice that me and Thunder were lovers. Fangs said same sex couples aren't frowned upon at the lodge, mentioned something about the Sacred Band of Thebes, got to look that up later. For now, I'm glad I'm two steps closer to leaving this place. The fact that I arrived a loner and am leaving a leader makes the whole thing even better.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are copyright White Wolf**

**CHAPTER VII: Solid ground**

It's been some weeks again. The elders liked the idea of us forming a pack so much they put us through a thousand tests, then sent us into many smaller assignments, to test our alloy, they would say. That means I didn't have time to write something down these last few weeks. But yesterday was weird, I think, so I had to find some time to write it up.

Well, I've got plenty of time now, to be honest. Again, thanks to what happened yesterday. It was Wednesday, and it started pretty normal, with physical training routines at dawn followed by meditation and breakfast. All the usual stuff.

So, it was just after breakfast, I was using my free time to carve up a necklace for Thunder. We'll be reaching one month of relationship tomorrow, and I wanted to show my appreciation. So, I was there, under the big tree I still don't know the name of, when this black car comes through the farm's gates.

It was a big SUV, jet black, with custom wheels emblazoned with a stylized version of the Blood Talons symbol. Our lodge owns about three of these vehicles, and they are used for social and peace gatherings, since they're pretty obvious to an enemy. It's a lot like a diplomat's car, really, which means it's also heavily protected.

So, the car heads into the garage and I lose sight of it. Couldn't care less about it, must be some high brass wanting to inspect the camp or some other bullshit like that. I went back to my carvings and tried really hard not to mess things up. It's funny, I was so nervous I almost forgot how to hold a knife.

It's really weird, the way Thunder has got to me. I still can't bring myself to say I love her, because I fear I might lie. I still catch myself thinking about that other wolf, the one I can't even say his name out loud. But I'm making progress with Thunder. We even got to share a room, and a bed, by now.

We're just sleeping together, though. I'm not ready to do anything but cuddle, and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to do anything. I can't get drunk anymore, so I think I'll never loosen myself enough to... Oh, by mother Luna! I can't say it! I can't even write it! Sex! Sex! Sex! I don't want to have sex!

Whoa, just writing that down made my heart race and I can feel my face blushing. I'm so afraid of it, actually. So afraid of getting so personal with someone, so afraid of not liking what might happen. So afraid of liking it too much...

Sigh.

I'm losing focus here. So, there was I, sitting under a tree, carving a necklace and forgetting about the world, when a shadow looms over me:

"Snake Eyes?"

I knew that voice. I didn't even have to look up to know who was talking, but I did it anyway. She was a fair skinned woman, raven hair cut short over her stern face. She wore a business suit, but one could see a silver chain dangling from her left wrist, and on the chain were etched, also in silver, the symbols of each of the five auspices of the moon. She was Juri, mistress Fireheart's beta.

"Yes?" I answered confusedly. Juri never travels far from her alpha.

"Mistress Fireheart wants to see you and your pack. Gather them and bring them to the meeting room. Keep it quiet, and be fast."

I acknowledged with a nod and set off to find my pack. Shibata and Thunder were training fencing on the gym, Fangs was repairing fishing rods by the river and Voice was going through the food stores, doing some basic inventory on what needed to be bought soon.

I had them gathered and ready for inspection in less than twenty minutes, but none of us were ready for what we saw when we entered the meeting room.

The farm only allows females on its grounds, so only the female members of Mistress Fireheart's pack had come, that meant Juri and Subtlety, the gigantic, overly muscular rahu. I didn't even notice they were on the room when we entered, because I couldn't take my eyes off the once proud and strong founder of our Lodge.

She was a withered husk of a woman. Her once long, fiery red hair had turned into an ashy grey wiry mess. Her body, once a strong and fit exemplar of a warrior was now frail and weak, and she was sitting on a wheelchair, which meant the warrior woman who once challenged Fenris Ur himself (and lost badly, by the way) was now unable to even walk. The only thing she kept from her old self was the fiery gaze, but it now burned slowly under her withered brows.

It was a shameful and sad sight. I had to hold the tears when I saw it. Fireheart was not this frail and sick woman, she was the leader of our people! I still remember her stern, motherly gaze when she came to me after the Sergeant dragged me out of the hellhole I built for myself. She taught me how to speak again, how to behave and be a person, rather than a beast. She led by example, smiting our foes with her klaive, an ancient mace infused with many spirits of war and wrath. But all those things where shattered by the vision of her now broken form:

"Snake Eyes? Come closer, my dear. By Luna, you look older."

I approached slowly, unsure of what to say or do. The meeting room wasn't big, and was dominated by a round table that I had to move around to get closer to our Mistress. When I got close enough, she reached out with both hands and gripped my right hand so strongly it seemed she hadn't lost her vigor. At least not all of it.

"I heard Bonebreaker sent you here, that fool. What did you do?" She looked me in the eyes, but I couldn't return her stare. I couldn't look at her at all, so I kept my eyes on the ground.

"I disobeyed orders, Mistress. Attacked out of time, led to a premature battle that almost cost us the mission. And I broke the oath of the Moon. I ate the flesh of our own."

"Ever the unchained beast, my child." Her voice was seething with anger, and her grip was strong as iron. "But I'm not here to judge you, that has been done already. What I'm here to do is to offer you redemption. Not just for you, but for you band of misfits too."

That would have hurt had it not come from her. Fireheart knew us, all of us, because she was a cahalith as well. All the history of our Lodge, all our names, all our successes and failures were of her knowledge. Her voice, as weak as it was, resonated with truth.

"What is this redemption, mistress?"

"The Amazonian Gauntlet."

We all let out a surprised "Whoa". The Amazonian Gauntlet was the greatest failure of our Lodge history. Our Little Bighorn, or our Midway, if we were the Japanese. What I mean by saying that is that the Gauntlet was lost not because our enemy was superior, but because we fucked up. Bigtime.

Now, if you know anything about the Amazonian rainforest you know that it is big, and it's full of biodiversity. Biodiversity also means spirits, active ones, roaming free and wild. I heard some elders say the Amazon is the closest to Pangea we'll ever have in this forsaken world. That's why the Pure love it so much.

The place is crawling with them, rooted in both the native tribes and illegal lumberjacks and drug smugglers that call the place home. Both in and out of the spirit world, the Amazon is a paradise shrouded in myth, death and corruption. So of course one of our high commanders had to have the brilliant idea of taking the Amazonian Gauntlet back from the Pure. I don't even need to say it was a bad idea.

His plan was a bold one, a massive attack from four different directions, launching surprise ambushes on the Ivory Claws' breeding grounds first, then consolidating and pushing further into the Predator Kings hunting grounds, all the while culling any Fire Touched we came across. I say 'we' because I'm part of the Lodge, but I only deployed to the Gauntlet to rescue stranded packs, and that was after most of the mess had already happened.

That was actually the first mistake of the bloke who came up with the whole thing. Neither the Sergeant, nor Mistress Fireheart, or Masters Tremor and Clawripper were allowed to deploy to the Gauntlet. I heard Master Clawripper even called bullshit on it and deployed anyway. His prong was the only one to come out without casualties from the fight. They still failed their mission, because the other prongs broke and they had to fall back or be cut off.

Second mistake: pushing too hard. The idiot commanding it believed our superior weapons and gear would allow us to win fights quickly and without any casualties. He forgot to factor in the Pure had both the home field advantage, and spirits backing them up. So the prongs dived in too deep, especially the scouting parties, who all got caught and either killed and sacrificed or defected to the Fire Touched. I almost defected to them once, they're scarily good at convincing you of stuff, and it's not like all those scouting parties where composed of Lodge newcomers who had little faith in the commander who sent them to death, right?

The third, and worst, mistake was commitment. Blood Talons offer no surrender they would not accept. And the moron running the show would accept no surrender at all. So he sent in the attack parties with little intelligence, zero support and even forgot to trace secondary supply and evacuation routes, because the primary ones got overrun so fast it looked like a zombie apocalypse.

When we deployed to the gauntlet, the battle was lost and the Lodge forces were on retreat. I was there when Fireheart and the Sarge led a charge against a prisoner camp so we could rescue some of our own. Most of the guys we rescued left the Lodge anyway, and I can't blame them. The Gauntlet left us undermanned, dangerously close to extinction, actually. I'd say about five hundred werewolves died, and other two hundred and something defected to the Pure, that number includes some high ranking members who got disillusioned with the stupidity of the Lodge. Oh, and the bloke who ordered it? Died in battle, only one member of his pack survived. She was found weeks after the battle had been officially lost, hiding in a cave, surrounded by dead bodies, both ours and the enemy's. Her name: Ryoko Shibata. No wonder she wanted to find the 'right' pack this time.

Of course, that brings us to the now. The Gauntlet is still owned by the Pure, but Master Clawripper has dedicated himself to avenging the ones who fell in battle, and finding the cowards who defected and kill them all. It's a long campaign, a war that's been raging secretly for two or three years now. But, ironically, the Lodge of the Jungles has a shortage of warriors adept at jungle fighting, so it's been a slow movement for us.

"I will not lie to one of Bonebreaker's protégés. We are desperate." Mistress Fireheart's voice sounded so tired it was almost painful. "We don't have the manpower to continue operating in the Gauntlet, but if we retreat now our morale is going to tank. We need a victory, an astounding one to show both our enemies and our allies that we can still fight!"

Ever the motivational speaker. Even weakened she still managed to send a spark to my heart, and I doubt I was the only one feeling that way.

"But what can five younglings like us do, Mistress? We are undisciplined and unprepared."

She laughed an riotous, cacophonic laugh that quickly turned to a coughing fit. Juri had to gently hold her in place so she wouldn't fall off the wheelchair:

"Are you not Snake Eyes, killer of wolves, eater of her own kin? Is that one not Four Fangs, oppressor of spirits, the one who forced a being of wrath into her own self to bolster her strengths? And the other, Ryoko Shibata, daughter of the Pure, killer of many, unbroken and unbowed survivor of catastrophes?"

I had to ask them later what the hell was the old woman talking about. Looks like my pack was still leaving me out of the loop.

"And Sound of Thunder, strikes like lighting, Luna's silver champion? And finally, Night's Voice, eternally mocking those who would subdue her, forever a thorn on enemies and allies alike. You, children, are strong because of your failings. Were you not together, not bound to each other as a pack, you would be useless. But put together, the five of you, you could become the greatest weapon our Lodge could wield. Our furies, our assassins, our silver knifes always in the back of our enemies."

Even with her withered and weakened voice, mistress Fireheart hadn't lost her touch. We were spurred, ready to fight, ready to accept her task, whatever it was. I called it, as it was my duty as leader:

"And what, or better saying, who is our target, mistress?"

"We found one of the traitors who defected to the enemy, hiding in a Yanomami village that the Ivory Claws use as breeding ground. Juri has the details. You are to infiltrate the place, kill him, and rip any other werewolf you might come across to shreds. We'll supply the gear, including some new toys Tremor and his forge boys have cooked up. You just have to say yes."

I took a quick look at my pack mates. All resolute, all ready to take this role as assassins and murderers of our own kind. Someone had to do it.

"We accept this task, ma'am."

She let out a long, labored sigh, and finally released my hand from her iron grip.

"Thank you, my child. If I could, I would stay and discuss the details of the mission with you, but I can't. I need to rest and gather my strengths to travel back to São Paulo. Farewell for now, children."

Subtlety wheeled her out of the room while everyone else stood silent. Then we gathered with Juri to discuss the details of our first official assignment. I can't write any of it here, but it's high profile assassination, yeah. Cloak and dagger, my kind of business. And of course, like Voice usually says "We're getting off this joint".

Now all I have to do is finish that necklace and my day will be perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Werewolf the Forsaken and all related names are copyright White Wolf**

**This is the final chapter of this story. I hope the people reading it liked it as much as I liked writing it. Thanks to all and see you around.**

**CHAPTER VIII: Ready to drop**

I'm writing this as we fly over the rainforest, all suited up and ready to do what the Lodge requires of us. Our call name is Furies, we are the hidden dagger, and today we will slit some throats. Below us, the Amazon Rainforest looks like a sea of green, hiding untold dangers and enemies. The helicopter is flying fast, doors opened as we approach the drop zone.

I'm nervous, I'll not deny it. We all are. It's been months since I last saw some real action, and other members of the pack have been out of the fray for years now. But we have trained, we have focused and we are ready. We will kill that traitor.

I have to lean to the side and kiss my lover to remember she's with me no matter what happens. The helicopter pilot says we have thirty minutes. Our spirits are high and our morale is soaring. Thunder is wearing the necklace I gave her on our first month, it's polished and varnished wood, depicting two wolves locked in fight. I chuckle when I see it. Just remembered we never got around to that rematch, never really needed it.

Over these last few weeks I've learned a little more about my other pack mates. I managed to get Shibata to talk about the Gauntlet, as her experiences will sure benefit us, but I won't write down more than what I already did out of respect for her. The Gauntlet was a bad mistake, no doubt about it, and until we take it from the Pure, it's better we talk less about it.

But I've also learned she is from a traditional Japanese family, whose firstborn have been werewolves for ages, down from the Oda Shogunate. They are Ivory Claws, and Shibata is a firstborn. Ivory Claws are misogynist pricks, and if that doesn't explain a lot about her behavior, I won't play the analyst, at least not in my diaries. Suffice to say she fled her abusive father and the Lodge accepted her with open arms. I have met few other warriors I'd like to have by my side as much as her.

Four Fangs's human name is Julia, and she's a genius at heart. She understands the spirit world and the gauntlet like an elder, but unlike most ithaeur she'd rather stomp down and force the spirits to do her bidding than bargain and appease them. Oh, she's fierce, yes, not unlike me, Shibata and Thunder, but she is subtle about it.

Her hair has grown a lot by now, covering the extensive tattoos she has on her scalp, going down to her backside and covering a good part of her arms and legs too. If she strips, shaves, and you look at it from behind, the tattoos form a hideous creature, forever locked in a deadly embrace, trying to eat the shaman's head. It's a fetish tattoo, and it holds a spirit who was preying on the minds of the soldiery from these barracks in the north of our country. Fangs and her former pack lured it out in the open and managed to trap it into the tattoo. Now the shaman can leech it's essence to power her own mystical gifts. She says it tried to get into her head sometimes, but she can stomp it back to its place. Too bad her alpha kicked her out of the pack because she was now a 'liability'. Liability my ass, that was pure envy.

Night's Voice is the odd one out. Most of us did something gruesome, be it fighting a pack mate or killing an enemy in a vicious manner. Voice just wanted out of her pack. As she herself admits, she's a born beta, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know when a leader is a bad leader. From what I gathered, her alpha kept making bad decisions and leading them into fights that were too dangerous. One day she got tired and told him to fuck himself. Then she left and went to the farm where we met each other.

Her human name is Eliane. And she doesn't look or sound like a warrior. If I hadn't seen her fight, I'd doubt her abilities. I'd say she's the weakest fighter of the five of us, but she can hold her own in a fight against me. Not bad, really. But her most important job is being our glue. She's an elodoth, it's on the job description, but she makes it seem easy. Always has the right words, the right food, the right action, to soothe that pain or heal that wound. I like her as my beta, even if she is undisciplined as hell, maybe even because of that.

Alone, we were misfits and outcasts. Together, we are the lodge's honed and true scalpel. We're sharp, we're hard, we cut out the heart of the problem before it grows strong. Well, that's what we are supposed to do, anyway. Today is our test run. We will not fail.

Ten minutes to the drop zone, everyone is buckling up for the hot drop. Thunder straps my harness in and I kiss her when she's done.

"Don't die. That's an order." I say. She smiles her soothing smile.

Yesterday I got courageous and decided to consummate our relationship. We shared more than a bed, we shared our bodies and our pleasure. It was awkward, and she had to explain a lot of stuff to me. But it was fun, and it felt good to be that intimate with someone for the first time. I will carry her warmth with me, even if I still can't take that stupid wolf out of my system yet. I love my Sound of Thunder. I love my Celeste, and she loves me too. That love makes us stronger than rage and hate have ever made.

I might never write anything here again. Today my life takes a big turn, and I'll not have time to enjoy the frustrations and fears of infancy again. I am Snake Eyes, killer of wolves, eater of my own kin, leader of the Furies. I am hate, rage and fury. And today the traitors of our people will learn to fear me.


End file.
